Sep 3, 2014

The bad side of me.



Pernah tak dalam hidup ni kau rasa kau paling tak pandai, tak berbakat?
Senang cerita your confidence level is low.

Yup, aku selalu rasa macam tu.
Lagi-lagi bila tengok gambar orang yang sangat talented in drawings, panting, baking or doing modelling or good with languages. Kadang-kadang aku fikir, duduk sini kadang-kadang rasa sangat susah. Bila ada pakcik dok cakap dengan aku dalam Japanese, But I couldn't reply him. I just said that Wakaranai. Wakarimasen. Watashino Nihonggo wa ma ma. Sobs

Aku selalu rasa orang lainhebat gila. ada bakat yang orang lain tak ada. Kalau modelling pulak, aku rasa cam, untunglahh muka cantik, pandai posing, pandai communicate then jadi model, then buat jenama sendiri. then business, then kaya. Untung-untung. Macam senang je dorang buat business dan berjaya. Awat la iols tak cantik and tak pandai meniaga?

Haha pelik tak aku ada thought yang macam gini? Manusia biasalah kan?


Aku tak tahulah kenapa kadang-kadang aku rasa down gila.
Sepatutnya aku should be happy with others people happiness.
But sometimes dari lubuk hati yang paling dalam ni rasa macam, ohh yeah Amira you have nothing!
But hey, lagi satu suara berbisik, What? You said nothing? hey Amira Excuse me! You have everything that a girl should have (except badan yang gemuk tu haha)

But ada benar jugak suara yang berbisik tu,
At age of 23 years old, 

  • I already have a caring and loving husband.
  • Two moms, two dads and a big family with my cutest anak buah yang called me makcu!(oh no, I really miss them! lagi-lagi bila si afif panggil, makcu meh jap T_T)
  • I have MM Collections yang aku usahakan sejak 2 tahun yang lalu. Sekarang slow sikit sebab malas update. But kadang-kadang rasa cam terharu kat customer eventhough tak update but still ada yang whatsapp nak order baju. Alhamdulillah atas rezeki Allah kan? I should be thankful. Lagi satu dengan duit untung MM Collections aku dapat kumpul duit utk kahwin. Thank you Allah.
  • I have MM Kitchen yang aku branding kan sejak duduk sini. Walaupun kecil-kecilan but it's very meaningful to me. Pergi satu kelas roti. Belajar teknik dan skill buat roti. I never know I can make and bake a bread. Never have a dream before. Pernah suatu ketika I feel so down, and I told my husband that I don't have any talent or any job and I don't have confidence in everything I'm doing. But my husband said that you have something that others don't have. You can cook very well. You can make such a delicious bread and you sell it. Even though you in Japan. but your business in Malaysia still on going (MM Collections). You have such a very good experience in business. If you go for interview, I'm sure they will choose you. See my husband have such a high level confidence compared to me. Itulah orang kata, suami isteri tu pelengkap hidup. Aku selalu ada negative thinking about my self. What if I can't? What if I don't? And the questions keep continuing.......But Hanis always keep telling me that you are unique. you can do it. you are talented. And if I asked him, Am I fat? Surely he will answer 'tak lah okay je, okay la ni' (and i feel sedikit secured hahaha)

Aku tak ada kerja, jobless. And my friends told me that, berapa ramai yang sebenarnya nak hidup macam kau mira. Kalau orang diberi pilihan, orang nak hidup macam aku. Buat apa yang kita suka. Macam baking and business and travel daripada kerja bawah orang. Then it make me think again, apa fungsi kita hidup kat muka bumi ni? Untuk pleased kan orang atau apa? Tepuk dada tanya hati ya Amira. Jangan nak kepoh sangat.

Kat atas sana sentiasa ada untuk kita saat kita susah atau pon senang. Dia sentiasa ada. 


p/s: maafkan aku untuk post yang sangat mengarut ni. This is the bad side of me. T_T
Thank you for the spirit.


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